She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
