He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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