Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
