she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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