yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
