Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
