i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
