She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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