lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
