Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
