I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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