Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
