My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
