you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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