I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
