My underwear smells like fireworks.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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