how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
