I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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