We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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