FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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