she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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