The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If I had your ass I would rule the world
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
