so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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