3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
