What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
