it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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