Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
