Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
