I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
