I'm gonna have a badass scar
I wish I only lived at night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
