Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
