i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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