My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize