I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
