so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
