Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
