I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
