Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
