I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We left the knife in your bed.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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