I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
