Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
