I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
