Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
whose parrot is this?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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