Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
