Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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