The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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