I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
