My friends, they love my intelligence
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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