I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
