Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
