he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
