there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
