you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
