it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
