woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she pinky promised me she was 18
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
