it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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