We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
