In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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