i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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