So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
