the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
