no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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