I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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