i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
