sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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