i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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