Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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